something occurred to me tonight.
the world, is such a big place. six-point-four billion, at the least. it's hard to believe, that the life each of us leads has a place, has a purpose. you know, sometimes people like to be alone, so they're turn to what essentially is, nature. maybe visiting a beach, or just lying under the stars, or even maybe walking somewhere far away from everything. nature is what we rely on to keep our mind balanced; but i'm not sure whether you could be classed as nature.
but you are beautiful. you too are ancient, and implacable. your hair blows in the wind and your blood flows just as strong as that of a river. your eyelids have their own secrets and your hands tell a story with every touch. and knowing you, knowing everything you've come to allow me to know about you, well, i feel so small. i feel small, like a speck of dust in a cloud. like i said, the world is such a big place. but if your story alone is a cloud, then the whole world must have turned cold, wrapped in a layer of fog so think, we may aswell just call this heaven.
heaven, a funny concept. but you need to be religious to believe in heaven. and too, i suppose, it doesn't really need to be any particular religion, as they all have faith in the afterlife, the continuation of existence in another form. but then, it sort of all links to what it is i'm thinking.
and what exactly i'm thinking is this: that if one slight change had occurred in the past, if your brother hadn't been at that station, if my mother hadn't been at la trobe, if my grandmother hadn't moved to australia from england, imagine where you and i would be; imagine if we'd be. what if i didn't exist? what if you didn't? what exactly would the world be like? [and i know, that we are only small people. we have no control over anything significant at this point in time, but then again, nor does anyone else. history was made by one interacting with another, not by simply willing something to be so. and we are, right now in fact, writing history for the future.]
and this is simply everything that has been flowing unevenly through my mind for the past hour. that the future is only delicate when placed in the past. that these things have only come to be so because of where we've come from. if i hadn't changed schools have a year earlier, one girl may have just gone completely. i would never have met rachel, i wouldn't have known haileigh, emma, nicole, all these people that have shaped my mind as it is. these people may have been different, may have learned to love or loathe eachother differently as to how they do now. or maybe i overestimate my impact on the world.
and to think, what my life would be like without you. you're the boy who will judge something you've never fully understood, and will blame something for nothing at fault. yet you're the boy who, in a whistle of guitar strings and quick, faithful workds, has captured my heart and mind like an analogy that doesn't need to be placed. you are like the sand at a beach; smooth yet rough. you are like the stars, alone but not lonely. you are like the warm breaths on a cool night; a sense of comfort when the sky is falling down.
and i didn't write this for a thankyou. i didn't write this for a chance, of anything, really. i don't know why i wrote this; words pour out of my pen faster than i can think of them, and it always seems to be about the most unique subject i can conjure: