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come to think of it, i have never told you what exactly you mean to me. i've always said simple things, implied things, acted upon things, made simple gestures. but not once have i had a chance to say words that tell you everything. not once. i suppose, if i were to find the words, find the exact words that perfectly, absolutely perfectly demonstrated what exactly i mean when i say i love you, perhaps it'd be almost like writing a number in terms of pi instead of a decimal. it'd be perfect, and accurate. and complete.

though, finding those words would mean clambering to the deepest roots of my mind, to the very start of what it is that i now think. i'd be peeling back layer after layer, until my mind is naked, bare and plain, infront of you, for anyone to see. i'd be happy to, just for you.

it's funny, you share the same name with my brother, but really, you're both very, very different. i don't even want to think about him, because he has never been you. you're a beautiful boy; you've been hurt, and you've been broken, and now you have all of me. you're beautiful, because you know what it's like to be wrong. and you have been my confidant, my rock, for over a year now. it doesn't matter what exactly was wrong with me, but you were always there, and always ready to make me feel better at the drop of a pin. for a while, you were my only reason to smile. actually, you still are that reason. what am i talking about; you've always been that reason.

the truth is, i'm trying to write this with a structure, almost like an equation; you have to follow a formula to get to the end, and to get the answer you wanted. but i haven't learned anything new recently, so i'm left with the same problems to solve.

you know, i've tried everything. i've tried the multiplication, the division, the addition and the subtraction of life, but i've found that one integer does not equate another, only itself. much like one person does not equal another; wait, no. i mean to say, their value is equal, but not their persona. no, one's persona is their very life; their heart, body and soul all wrapped up into one. so when i tell you that you are the greatest thing that ever happened to be, i mean greater than any other person that i have ever come across, or learnt the name of. sometimes, i could swear i love you more than i love myself.

and, i know we're young. i know, and it scares me to think, that maybe we're not going to last forever. i know there's a chance. but i will promise you this; as long as i'm in this mindset, as long as you are here, as long as you are dedicated, i swear to you on your life, that i'm not going anywhere. and god, if i could, i'd sign off my heart, my physical beating heart, to you in a deal with the devil himself. it's funny but also scary, to think that we're not always going to be so young; we're going to grow up, get taller, you'll be less awkward, i'll grow my hair longer. it will be fun, growing up. i mean, we're doing it right now, but it's easier to look at a long process in retrospect, rather than be at a frozen point in the middle of it.

and i'm just being a plain dreamer now, but it's because of you, because of the way you smile when i see you after a long time away, and the way your hands find their perfect place, lacing my fingers in yours, that makes me hopeful. you always leave me with this new sense of, well, almost a light being lit infront of me. like the path ahead just became clearer. you leave me knowing that for this moment here, the future is clear and the road may aswell be paved. to be honest, i really think it should be; i'd love to spend forever with you.

i'm sorry, though, because this has gone from a piece of writing, that i originally wanted to tell you all the things that i absolutely loved about you, to a simple letter. a long one, but still, a letter. i suppose this is the only way i know how to write anymore, because you've always made my bad days good, and my good days even better. and i've said it before; you are the sunshine in a thunderstorm, and i just wish i could write something that sunk beneath your skin. save for writing everything across your pale arms, your placid heartbeat, your perfect lips, i don't know how i could show you what i feel.

because this is too strong to be real, and far too deep to be a bruise that will heal in a matter of days. every time you kiss me, another part of me is filled by your presence; you really haven't an idea what a hug can do. really, it's been nearly two years that you've been my best friend, and not once have we fought. not once have we clashed; i respect you for your differences, and furthermore, i love you for them. this would probably be the ideal time to quote a sappy, cliche love song, but the words aren't mine, no matter how relevant they are to you and i, they aren't my words. you know how i love words. you know that if i could, i would spend every day with you.

i'll have you know that i would spend every waking moment, showing you how much you mean to me. and even if the seasons change, even if we change, and one of us leaves, i swear to you even then, that i won't ever love like this again. because right now, i don't even have a metaphor for you; you're sunshine in a thunderstorm, diamond in bedrock, a rose among thorns.

and to be honest, i'm the luckiest person alive, right now.

"and you should never change for anyone."
i can tell from the way that your eyes can capture mine completely.

it's in the way that you place your hands on my waist, and pull tighter and tighter, not wanting to ever let me go.

and i love you my amazing, perfect, absolutely incredible boy with the gorgeous dark eyes. i know it's not much, but i hope this is enough to prove that i do, infact, love you more.




and i know i can't write anymore. i guess this could almost be considered a grand finale. i don't know.
:iconannabella-and-jasper:
Annabella-and-Jasper Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, deep. Really well written :D
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:iconamylwa:
Amylwa Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thankyou, :):heart:
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:iconannabella-and-jasper:
Annabella-and-Jasper Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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